write — journal — plan

Defined by Weakness

QuoteSo much of the time I feel weak. Do you?

I have always had this feeling that my heart is weaker than the normal heart. I can’t handle much physical labor or emotional distress. Most of my problem stems from the fact that I don’t sweat. Instead I get hotter and hotter until I end up with a migraine headache and am useless for the rest of the day. I could bike a decent distance – if it was cold outside. But the moment the sun hits my head, my insides start to boil. My heart starts to pound, and the veins on my temples quiver.

Sometimes I’m weak in my faith too. I feel like a “doubting Thomas”, asking more questions of God than I receive answers. I want every answer to be clear and simple, and find it hard to live in those gray areas. Am I alone in my dislike of nuanced situations?

Feeling weak isn’t fun at all. It’s painful. And embarrassing. And hard to admit. I’ve discovered it’s way easier to quit, to back away from the spotlight, and hide in the shadows.

I’ve spent a lot of my life leaning against the wall, unnoticed and unheard. And honestly, I like it that way, even though I know it’s not the right thing to do. In today’s culture, it’s harder and harder to hide there.

So back to weakness. Am I alone in this feeling? Are there others like me who wish “we all could just get along” without making a big statement?

Am I the only one who quits when it gets hard? Who doesn’t do what it takes to push on? Or are you like me? Comfortable in your anonymity?

Maybe it’s time we ask for strength and courage when life gets tough.

Maybe it’s time to keep moving when we want to lay down.

Maybe it’s time to not let weakness define us.

Maybe it’s time to stop hiding.

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